Ephesians 5:8

i decided to do some contemplating today. so i read the bible. as i write this blog i'm listening to my own playlist of very inspirational songs.

Ephesians 5:8 "For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light"

Dear God,

It has been a while since I sat down in the quiet and really talked to you. You have gifted me with so much and I feel very much ungrateful for all that has transpired. You led me to a book recently that spoke the same message as your beautiful word has. Be a child of light...do not let my inner child die. I feel that this is exactly what i have let happen.

The innocence of youth has been peeled away from me by reality. in its place cynicism and deterioration has happened. i used to see grace, really see it with my eyes. in your gaze i flourished and bloomed like a flower. i saw myself soar on eagle's wings and climb mountains. i was blessed. but at the moment my happiness, yes i do feel happiness, seems of the earthly kind. i have satisfied and continuously do so the desires of my flesh. the standard of my happiness is whether of not my appetites have been appeased. i forget that you as God, and as man, conquered this. you have walked the very same path i did. but why am i failing despite the example you have set?

it is so very hard, God, to continue in what you have done. it is very challenging at best to be Jesus-like. I am reminded by this passage, and the preceding ones, that if i am to be truly considered a child of light i have to let go of the darkness. you taught me once God what it was like to be surrounded by your warming love, and i have forgotten how. Anoint me once more as you did before. Five years and although i have gone far in the five years I have been renewed regressions are inevitable. Help me conquer these fall backs, help me to shine brighter as a beacon of your Son than be surrounded by the shroud. Help me shine like the star i was meant to be and not be engulfed by the evening night.

Love,

me.