pushed aside

the most painful experience for me in this world is that of being pushed aside. it takes so much out of me to know i am just second rate to something else, i am of less priority to someone else. i have perhaps gotten spoiled with all the attention that has come my way...achieving in high school made people know the face behind the name, dancing beneath the limelight made me more visible, etc. because of this i dont deal well in knowing i am second to something/someone.

but i didnt expect to be awaken so rudely by someone who i have treated as top priority. yes of course there would be days where he'd slip down in the hierarchy of importance but on an average he was the BEST in my life. it hurts to know that this isnt reinforced when it comes to the way he treats me. he sees me as an OBLIGATION and an EFFORT.

he is someone i must learn to let go of. he is someone i must sacrifice to become better. im slowly getting numb to the pain that, as of late, has always accompanied thoughts of him. words of love are falling on deaf ears now...my ears only hear lies. but it hurts really hurts to know that three years are down the drain, that three years worth of love has ended this way.

the cross has be borne and now i have to learn how to let it go.