Time Lined

I'll tell you what my day was like.

12.00

Still on the phone. It was another roller coaster ride and it didn't seem to let up. We played a game of He said, She said. And I found myself breaking, all over again. Sometimes I think I'm caught in a wormhole, as if I'm being warped back into time, into a place where I was broken. This seems so familiar, even to a lot of my friends and my blood ran cold. I did not want to be stuck in this position again, to be placed here where my value was questioned.

01.00

The storm felt as if it was fading. We were finally in the apologies and I desperately needed sleep. My eyes were red, puffy and watery. I hope later on in the day it would subside, looking my best was the ticket to success.

02.00

Sleeping. Caught the blissfulness of forgetting by 01.45, but was surely in the land of dreams [or the lack of it] by this time.

03.00

04.00

05.00

Woke up with my head cracking into two, my body spent and my eyes still red. Today didn't look fruitful 

at all. It look down right melancholic. I had to drag my body off to the shower, sluggishly prepared my things and went downstairs. I skipped the dining table, I dont think food and I would be friends at such an early hour. Found the sofa so inviting, I plopped into it and promptly fell back to sleep.

06.00

On the road with my dad. He was talking to me, as we usually do on our quiet times together. But all I really wanted was rest, all I really needed was sleep. I don't know if I apologized or even

 asked, but I closed my eyes for just a second and was conscious no more.

07.00

We reached Prudent, dad had to sign a few documents. I just wanted sleep. We climbed four flights of stairs, I followed in my slowest pace. He

 opened the office doors, turned on the lights and sat on his table. I never saw my dad this way, so concentrated and engrossed with figures and costs. I sat on a chair, closed my eyes....

08.00

By this time I had woken up, reached school and called M.. I found myself seated in one of SECs benches conversing with someone I have started to fear. My eyes were still red and they hurt. I remember touching them, my cool hands were like soothing balms to the heated flesh. I looked Chinese, and that is an achievement considering I have big eyes. It's amazing my dad didn't comment, I wouldn't know what answers to give him anyway. I had thirty minutes before my

 day would start, thirty more minutes of conversation, thirty more minutes before the official countdown would begin. Get. Set. Go.

09.00

Stuck in Ec141, listening to my teacher drone on and on about production and consumerism. These words seem so foreign to me as if I didnt just spend the last four years of my life acquainting myself to what they meant and stood for. I no longer wished to listen. So I took out Radcliffe and started reading Chapter 7, we have a quiz on this after all. Theo would be beginning in thirty minutes, that would mean walking, that would mean I needed energy. I got to the classroom, said my customary hello's and sat down. The chair, although hard, was a lovely place to be in. I didnt trust myself to keep me sane today, I needed something hard to hold me

 together.

10.00

We were discussing the group project and my temper was building. I was not in a cordial mood and these people were annoying me. They were speaking gibberish, when the whole things was just simple. However I could not say anything constructive so I kept quiet and held my anger in check. We'll be meeting again on Friday, before my IBM test. I hope I remember this. Right now all I can think about is donning the suit, and getting myself ready for the interview. 

11.00

My dad had just picked me up from school. I finally have food in my stomach, 2 German franks and 1 ham n cheese from waffle time. Also, I was dressed. Looking at myself in the mirror, it was a rite of passage. I no longer looked like me, or at least how I've been the past four years. My hair was slick, my face made up and pearl earrings attached as adornments. This was my mother staring back at me, scary thought.

12.00

Finally in Makati. I thought the supposed traffic would deter us, also looking for the right street. But it didn't. I was one hour early for an appointment and I didnt know what to do. I called M. and that helped somewhat but I needed to keep my hands busy. There was a Starbucks on

 the corner, I entered and let the quiet atmosphere seep into me. I knew what I wanted, looked in my bag for the right amount of cash but found none. Amazing, I had forgotten my wallet in the car. That meant my lifeline at the moment. That also meant my napkin and other paraphernalia would be there too. Damn. I had thirty minutes to spend, and the heat was making walking unbearable. I found a shadowed alcove, I had my phone that seemed like

 enough. However there were men looking at me, and I hate that. They made me feel uncomfortable and the minutes tick by ever so slowly. This isn't right, there should be more respect when it comes to girls. I guess chivalry really is dead. Time to walk to 150 Legazpi, a white imposing building. The guards were nice and very accommodating. Lucky I had the good sense to still wear my school i.d., I still had proof of who I was -- my identity. Rode the elevator to the fourth floor and my heartbeat escalated. I found the place, the waiting room, and the person. My vision started clouding and the room spinning. I saw that chair in the hallway, that's how it looked to me. 

13.00

The test begins. Funny, Myrna just dropped it on the table without even a word. Good thing I had the sense of taking the initiative. Perhaps that was the test. I finished the simple personality questionnaire in a few minutes, wondering if this would seal my fate. She entered the room, arranged the chairs and asked me questions.

What kind of salary are you looking for?

Would you want to work for this industry?

What are your long term goals?

Are you the eldest?

Any siblings?

Are your parents working?

They all fade away now in my memory, but I remember answering them all. She laughed at a few of them, and that seems good. I only hope I can replicate my success here with tomorrow's interview. I stepped out of the room and things are starting to look normal now. The chair appears more

 solid, maybe it really were my eyes playing tricks on me. 

14.00

I began walking the Makati sidewalk. It felt good to be out of the confines of that building. Where was my bag, I needed to call M. and tell him what I felt. There was a spirit of joviality in the air. The same spirit that was missing from my morning. Ironic to me was that I shared both my failures and successes of today with the same person. I guess this is love, huh? I walked, my heels creating it's own tempo on the concrete. I didn't care about the stares, didn't they see people normally dressed this way in the area? I spoke and talked at the same time, the excitement was infectious because he was laughing along with me. However my stomach was complaining, I needed real food and fast. I told it to wait, good news must be shared first, besides I could see AIM in a distance and that meant The Cafe would be near. I finally got there, with blistered feet and rosy cheeks. I glowed when tita commented: di ka pa graduate naghahanap ka na ng trabaho. My dad too it would seem. I guess my actions really are a testimony to their success as parents and I'm happy that I make them proud. I ordered my new favorite: Fish Parmesan Fillet and Parsley Rice. 

15.00

On our way home now. The joy has started to dissipate and the weariness set in. I needed my sleep so I found my eyes closed again once more. I heard the constant rhythm of my dad's breathing and that lulled me into a comforting slumber. I have been taken cared of today, and the triumphs I have achieved, plus the effort it took me to get there, have not gone unnoticed. 

16.00

I'm home now, the bed looks so inviting even if it's bare. They started changing the sheets but never finished. It didn't matter to me, I just needed something soft to cushion my fall. I took my clothes off, my shoes and my glasses. Put on a big shirt and promptly fell into bed. It took me immediately, this need for rest. I forgot what time meant, what concerns I needed to address, and the world revolving around me. Sleep was blissful.

17.00

18.00

I waited for M.'s call but it never came. He must be busy, but for a second there I got scared. This doesnt bear well with me. He'll call when he can, I hope.

19.00

Finally awake and about to finish this blog. My body is still sluggish, the after effects of the prior night. I'm looking forward to party spaghetti, that's supposed to be our dinner tonight. Funny how my day has passed. I still have tomorrow to look forward to, and agonize over. Driving there on my own armed only with a map and my spirit. It would seem like an

 adventure, a good one I hope. This was the lighted hallway in the office, and I like how the light would criss cross against each other to form patterns on the carpeted floor. Tomorrow would seem like this to me, a maze of high ways and numerous choices to pursue. Some bigger than the others, some more transparent than the others. They're all choices just the same. Mine. 

They are my choices.