Went for a Run

i went for a run a while ago...not to exercise but to vent out some anger. i was supposed to have a date with M. today but scheduling and logistics just didnt work out. I've been having a lot of cases of that lately...wanting to be in two places at the same time. I wanted to be with him, I wanted to be anywhere but home, I wanted to be outside. 

so yes out of anger i finished 2k in 20 minutes full of sprints up hills. anger is a good motivational tool apparently. just not something i'd like to use often. 

the wind is blowing strongly outside. cool crisp air. december is really here. and it reminds me of the own coldness inside me. disappointment does that to me. i just placed too much hope in one thing-- one date. i don't know when the next one will be. that's the downside with M.. we're apart more often than we are together, that moments we have as a couple are savored. it really isn't his fault. nor am i blaming him. i guess it's fate's hand reminding me that things aren't ever permanent.