The Irritation

Why can't things ever be simple? I feel torn in the middle, like being cleaved into two. I thought the whole point of finding your other half is so that you can feel complete? Or are those just fairy tales, the lies we tell ourselves to believe in the hope of something better?

Sometimes I think I've gotten it all down perfectly, like I've found the answers to the mysteries of the universe. But there are occasions when I feel like I am entirely clueless about the whole thing. I thought, as I entered this, that I was mature enough. Just goes to show thinking isn't the same as knowing. I feel as if I'm a child in your eyes. Like the things that I experience, the things that are novelties to me, are puny and microscopic to you. They matter to me because I make them matter. That doesn't give you carte blanche to discredit them merely because you've trodden down the path a long time ago. Maybe they are right, you're walking all over me. And the funny thing is I'm letting you.

These things, the things you say you can't live with, are the kinds that make up who I am. So the next time we argue about this, or the next time I let you read a section from the story of my life, don't treat it like it doesn't matter to you. Don't react like a Neanderthal, pure impulse, but pursue the stories you read with the same care and attention I gave them. This is my life, and yes nothing in this world will stay the same for long, but change isn't a process you rush. I am changing, peeling away layers at a time. In case you don't know it, the whole thing isn't easy and at times is even painful. So don't add to the burden, or the pain. Don't bring even more emotion to an already chaotic setting.

You don't seem to see that I still am a kid inside of this 20 year old body. Perhaps I masked it so well enough that I got you fooled, even myself for that matter. But that doesn't change the fact that I am not in your league in some things. I am still a beginner in most of them, so are my friends. So yes we'll react childishly it seems to you, immature even. But that's how we're built still. That is our limit. I hope the next time things turn this way you react with a patience of your years. In truth I should be the Homo Erectus to your Homo Sapiens Sapiens. I am way way way in the starting line while you're already down the road.

Obviously I'm irritated. Actually scratch that, I'm mad. Twice already, blown out of proportion. I know you mean well, you don't have to repeat the spiels, but please this is wearing me down.