Saturday, November 29, 2008

A grieving father


my tito got home today. after a very long trip. despite outward appearances he doesn't have the normal family life. he's been separated from his wife for about 5 years now. just the same, given the nature of his job, he's away from his kids a lot of the time. my three cousins reside with my grandfather in the province making it a very challenging family set up. 


he heard news today. about their grades.

not so good. 

he stormed out. upset. been gone for 20 minutes now. 

i dont know much about how it is to raise children. me being a child still. but i know what its like to be disappointed and to feel like a failure. i've had my set of falls and to doubt my self-worth. what must it be like for my tito. being away from his children, months at a time. not being able to be a true father. whenever he goes home to see his children i'm sure there are creeping doubts in there.

am i being a good father?
will my kids still love me?
how do i show my children that i love them?
what can i do to ease the pain of separation?

just the same. 

am i being a good daughter?
will my parents still be proud of me?
how do i show those i love that i love them?
what can i do to ease their pain?

life's lessons aren't plain black and white. there are shades of grey in between. true lessons aren't the kind that are taught in a classroom setting with God as the professor. nor are there in true manuals or formulas to get a sure pass. experience teaches us by immersion. you learn by doing. you learn by falling. you learn by getting hurt and being loved once more.

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