in life nothing is ever constant except change as the famous adage goes. and here i am, thinking i was steady only to find out the winds have changed once more. i find myself once more in that position of being left alone, perhaps the only difference is that now it's a different man.
i thought he was different from all the other guys who have broken my heart. well lately he seemed different. he was the first ever person to break my heart, and since that august four years ago we've been closer than ever. i was naive to think that he was exempt from all the other boys who would trample on me. he is special to me, perhaps even more than any other boy. he has known me inside and out, or so it seemed. in the nineteen years we've known each other it seems he doesnt even know my moods. last night was the cherry on the proverbial icing. i was fed excuse after excuse, i dont even know if i should believe them.
im probably making mountains out of mole hills, im probably exaggerating the whole thing but i looked at him as my savior. he was the one guy i could completely trust, beyond and above all things. and at a time i needed him, he wasnt there. why do people disappoint you like this? why do people put so little effort on you? why do they take you for granted?
ive been looking to be understood for so long. to be the one carried instead of the one carrying. ive been hungering to be loved just as much as i have loved. ive been searching for that someone. after joven hurt me i thought i had gotten back on my feet. but it seems that even if i trust and love back i will always be disposable.
10 SEC READ The gift of insults
3 years ago
3 comments:
I realized that we are never ever really anyone's priority unless we are our own priority. I miss you.
amen to that. but it hurts doesnt it, to realize we are never someone else's first priority. it's like empty promises when they say that they'll be there no matter what. i find a deeper appreciation for the strength that you showed me during the "winter" of your life. this is such a small thing compared to what you had to go through and i find myself really doubting myself. pano pa if i was in your position. i miss you too! what time do you leave for office wanna coffee before i leave for school on thursday? i leave for school at 10.45 am. :)
actually i'm not sure i even showed any strength. HAHA. i think it was more the HOPE that kept me pressing on. hoping in the one thing that deserves all attention because HE IS HOPE. GOD.
Post a Comment